METAMORPHOSIS
Suci Rahayu (Kompas.com, Malang)

Early 2020, the judge’s gavel at the Religious Court marked a new chapter in my life. It was relieving yet strange to let go of a longtime commitment that has been a part of myself. Thankfully, my intense schedule as a sport photojournalist took most of my time and helped me adapt with the new status.

Then, the pandemic hit us. The sporting arena’s noise has been replaced by the kids’ happy cheers at home. My center of activities has shifted home. The change of lifestyle has provided some precious moments with my two daughters.

But the lack of activities brought with it worries that creeped into my mind. The spare time has evoked overwhelming thoughts on separation. Many forms of worries about myself, my children, and those around me invade my thoughts.

According to psychologist Sri Wiworo Retno Indah Handayani, the change in lifestyle affects one’s psychological and social condition that mental health issues, stress and depression could not be avoided. This could sometimes lead to physical sickness. “One of the ways to move on from mental health issues is to try to stay productive. Also, to maintain communications with family,” she said.

Days passed, and the pandemic is here to stay. I was disoriented. Confused, as if lost in a labyrinth. I started questioning my point of view in life. But I could not keep running away from problems. The only way is to get up from the desperation. I started to make peace with myself and my situation, also tried to rebuild communications with the children and parents. Without them, I would never be able to get through this tough situation.

This process is like a metamorphosis. It’s as if I had wings to explore the world while making peace with the situation. I found my spirit, just like when I first got to know a camera. I’m recovering from sorrow, while capturing feelings behind the lens.

Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun
And I say it’s all right

Little darling
The smiles returning to the faces
Little darling
Its seems like years since it’s been here